Thursday, August 7, 2008

double bind

In an effort to get my career off the ground, I have spent most of the past two years working diligently, my little nose to the grindstone. Now that I'm halfway through year two, I find myself wanting "my life back". I have developed a serious case of tunnel vision---my job is everything from 7am-7pm, leaving me with little energy or time to give to anything else. Don't get me wrong. I love my job. I feel blessed to be surrounded with nature, to walk in beauty on a daily basis, to feel my feet on the ground and my hands in the soil. But...
I miss my friends. I miss reading for pleasure. I miss going to the movies with my girl. I miss cocktails and laughter and long walks through the woods on a sunday morning. Playing the guitar. Baking scones. So I'm faced with the challenge of figuring out how to remain dedicated to my job and live a rich, rewarding life.
Perhaps I'm suffering from "black and white" thinking; I either give everything to my job or I will fail miserably. Perhaps I need to explore setting some limits around how many hours I can work in a week. I'm not sure what I need to do, but I'm feeling this sense of urgency building in me. Achieving balance feels impossible right now. How on earth do people with kids do this work thing?
I feel some days like it's all I can do to take care of myself.

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